Trademark Taken= Wyld Stallyn

Never have I felt the need to talk someone in to listening to the band that I currently love. I just don’t think I need to force them to listen to the band. I feel that the pressure would just immerse them further into this entertainment driven type of society we live in, not that I object to living like this; its just excessive some days. I was fully planning on keeping my rule, until this past November.
You see, I was on vacation, and being the person I am, I like to meet new people. One day, I was ordering my lunch, and a really attractive guy gets in line behind me. Never one to pass up an opportunity to flirt, I asked him if he wanted to join my friends and me for lunch. He politely declined, something I’ve never experienced before (I’m from New Jersey), and went to join his younger brother.
Later on that day, I saw him again and decided to just talk with him and I discovered that he has a band called Trademark Taken. Right a way I was interested. The rest of the vacation I wondered what they sounded like. After many hours of pondering, the taxi pulled up in front of the house and I was able to experience their music.
To say that Trademark Taken is good is an understatement, to say that they are anything but amazing is like saying Nirvana had no influence over music. The sound that was coming out of my speakers was like an orgasm for my ears.
Not content with being a whine-y punk or emo band, Trademark Taken breaks all expectations. While most bands are starting to use titles that might as well be a novel, Trademark Taken uses titles that reflect what the song really conveys. Dial Tone, Memory, Broken Road, and Mass Hysteria are just some of the songs available on their website. I would love to discuss each song in detail, but I don’t want this piece turning into something by Leo Tolstoy. I will, however, give you this: you will never listen to a dial tone the same way ever again.
If the lyrical poetry that is spouted from their mouths is something that could make the Gods bow down, then the notes that pour out of their instruments could make those same Gods cry. I’m no musical expert. I played the flute for a few year when I was younger, but that’s it, so I really can’t go into great detail about the technical stuff. All I know is that Trademark Taken has the ability to do what Wyld Stallyns (quick go look them up on IMDB.com) did in 1991.
I can tell you that I thought the ability to spot quality music was something everyone had, but obviously not everyone can. The crap that pollutes our radio stations and MTV needs to go, now. There is so many better bands that are grossly ignored. This is why I’m imploring, no, I’m begging people to listen to the music that is coming from your speakers.
To my dismay, Trademark Taken’s headquarters is in Oregon, all the way across the country, for the readers who don’t look at a map too often. Because I am stuck in New Jersey without a car, seeing Trademark Taken perform is nothing more than a pipe dream. So as sort of a way to support their efforts, I recently dedicated my Myspace to them and am now writing this article.
So please, next time you are just looking for something to do, go to their Myspace page, http://www.myspace.com/trademarktaken. Just take a few minutes, listen to the music as it envelops you, and try to appreciate what they’ve managed to do. They’ve been able to a.) give you ears an orgasm and b.) not be super-cliched, actually there are no cliches, while ear-fucking you. And if your ever in the Portland area, stop by and watch them perform; I promise, it will be an amazing experience.

To Fart Or Not To Fart

So being trapped in the car with my brother makes us think about the weirdest topics. We are easily bored, and its us, so strange thoughts are the norm. This time around, the topic was different types of farts. After much back and forth, debating and pondering each type of fart carefully, we compiled a list.
The subtle complexities of a fart could not be over looked. Granted there are tons of different factors that go into one’s fart, but the general idea is that they all need to be judged on a certain scale. Their sounds, their smells, what causes farts, and when they usually occur were all thought about while compiling this list. My brother even tested out a few, whether they were intentional or accidental is a whole-nother thought.
Once we were done compiling the list, we decided that this conversation was deemed necessary for the PIC readers to know about. These 10 farts are the most common, and easily recognizable to the untrained ear and nose.
THE CLASSIC FART
Its characteristics:
The classic fart usually has a slight odor. Its not room filling, but perfectly respectable. It is just audible for those near you to hear. There is a tiny build up internally, and you usually can sense its formation.
Where it occurs:
This fart is an anytime, anywhere type of fart. Its your basic fart, nothing fancy.
SILENT BUT DEADLY (SBD)
Its characteristics:
The Silent but Deadly fart is a nasty smelling. When executed properly, it has the ability to clear out a room. There is absolutely no sound, hence the name. It is usually preceded by a huge build up, but not big enough for one to think its going to be anything but regular fart.
Where it occurs:
ELEVATORS. The last place in the world you want it to happen, crowds, or when your next to someone attractive or your boss.
SHART
Its characteristics:
The Shart is similar to the SBD, but your undergarments become filled.
Where it occurs:
If your that guy from Along Came Polly, it occurs in an art gallery. If you’re the rest of the human population, it will happen while you are swimming at a friends house. A re-enactment that scene from Caddyshack will occur, and your friends will be grossed out for a while. If you’re a girl, or a guy who frequently wears light colored pants, it will happen then.
LOUD
With the Loud fart, there is barely any odor, but could possibly break the sound barrier. This is the complete opposite of the SBD and shart.
Where it occurs:
Basically when ever you need to impress someone: date or an interview, or in a quiet area: funerals, weddings, library.
DRUNK
The Drunk fart is identical to the shart, but done while drunk.
Where it occurs:
After drinking for a while, obviously. Generally these are the farts that pollute bars and parties, or alone in your apartment. Basically where ever there has been alcohol this fart will rear its stinky head.
SQUEEK
The Squeek fart is a loud, high pitched sound. Its almost like a whistle. The smells can vary from non-existent to room filling.
Where it occurs:
This type appears usually during a farting contest.
POWER
The sound is possibly loud, but the power part comes from the rate it is expelled from your sphincter (thank you Wanye’s World for teaching me that). It consists of strong hurricane-like winds that make your ass cheeks flap and bounce around. All of this violence occurs with no smell.
Where it occurs:
The Power fart usually occurs when you’re the most powerful, in the gym. During or after a hard workout, everything in your body is working at its peak, including your fart maker. The strong build up leaves you with this earthquake of a fart.
OH SHITTER
The Shitter is a series of short quick farts. This type smells horrible, because it usually leads to the need of the bathroom. If the bathroom is not reached in time, a shart can occur.
Where it occurs:
The Shitter happens usually in whatever greasy spoon your eating at. Heavy grease usually induces this type, or a bunch of Sliders from White Castle.
CARBONATED
The Carbonated is a painful, stomach cramping fart. Frequently it smells funny, and it usually occurs after drinking anything carbonated or after chugging liquids
Where it occurs:
Post-chugging a liquid.
THE FORCED FART
The Forced fart is a short fart. It has no smell, and is just audible for those near you to hear. This type of fart occasionally leads to a shart if the force behind it is too strong.
Where it occurs:
When your trying to impress someone with your farting abilities, like a farting contest or while on a date with a neanderthal.
Hopefully this guide will make you adventures in farting easier. Feel free to add more, and the master of farting, also known as my brother, will take these new ideas into consideration for future reference.

Don't Be Fooled By the Wheels That He's Got...

So because I live in Suburbia, there are certain things I don't get to see around town.
Spinners on cars is one of them. I really don't see the point in them, but guys seem to really like 'em and they don't bother me so I could careless. But today, I saw spinners that made me laugh hysterically. They were on this shitty Ford Taurus that looked like it went through Armageddon and back. To top it off, there was only ONE spinner. That's right, out of four wheels, only one was worthy enough to have a spinner. The wheel on the front driver's side had one of those cheap knockoff spinners that you can pretty much stick on yourself. Like who does that? I guess only in Suburbia can you get away with something so stupid.

Aerosmith sang Welcome To the Jungle, Right?

Obviously I know that my title is not right. Anyone with half a brain knows that, or so I thought. One of my friends proved me wrong though the other day. I was playing one of my CDs, and Welcome to the Jungle started. My friends and I started commenting on how great the song is even if it is over played. Jill, that's what I'm calling her, chimed in saying how "amazing Steven Tyler's voice sounds". With that I hit the breaks, and slammed the stearing wheel with my hands.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"What? I can't like Aerosmith?"
"Of course you can, but this isn't Aerosmith!"
"Oh, well I can't tell them and AC/DC apart"
"That's sad, and this isn't AC/DC. It's GNR!"
"Oooh"
After some time passed, a new song began to play. (Wow, I can't believe I just said that. Duh, that's usually what happens when playing a CD.) This time it's Machinehead by Bush. Once again, Jill chimes in,
"Oooh, I just love Nirvana!"
"Jill, what the fuck is wrong with you? This isn't Nirvana! It's Bush!"
"Like our President?"
"Ummm, no how about you just shut up?"
For the rest of the trip, she remained silent, and we listened to the music sans questions.

But the point of this is, who lets these people live? I thought it was a basic law to know this stuff. Is it hard? NO! Am I demanding to much? I hope not!

So please, if you cannot figure out who sang classic songs, please don't reproduce.

Until later,
C

That's What I Said

The That's What She Said Joke is old and over played, unless your immature like the PV Throwing Team. Our poor coach is busy trying to make us better throwers, and we are just shy of rolling on the ground laughing.
"You need more lift"
"That's what she said..."
"You lacking power"
"That's what she said..."
"Stop being so weak"
"That's what she said..."
"Don't stop, GO ALL THE WAY"
"That's what she said..."
"Your trading power for lift, you gotta get both going"
"That's what she said..."
"Just drop the load there"
"That's what she said..."
"Don't get sloppy, keep it clean"
"That's what she said..."
"Keep it up longer"
"That's what she said..."
This continued for another half hour, the coaches repeated the same lines over and over. The jokes never got old though. As I was leaving practice one of the new girls asked if I prefered a rubber discus or a wooden and metal discus. I thought about it for a minute and responded with "The rubbers make it easier in the beginning... pause... but that's what she said" and walked away with the whole team laughing and crying.

Until later,
C

Look Left...

So because people are always bitching about being a minority, whether its because the are made fun of or forgotten or whatever, I feel that I should be entitle to do the same. So this is my blog, its about me going through life as a left-handed, blonde. There aren't as many as you think.

In a few weeks, I'll be graduating high school, and finally getting out of this shithole of a town. I plan to use this blog as a funny out look on how I see life. I hope to chronicle my final summer before college and whatever happens afterwards. Check back often, I like to write and might surprise you with a few funny gems.

Until then,

C