I thought once I left my awkward teenage years, things would change. Granted, I'm still considered a "teen", but I don't think I'm still awkward. I've finally stopped growing, I know who I am and who I want to be, but somethings never change. No matter how much I work and wish, I feel like I'm getting no where.
I'm sure many girls feel like this, but I don't ever see it. Everything in life seems good, you got a great group of friends that you always hang out with, and it includes some really amazing guys. And of course you fall for one of them. Harboring this secret for days/weeks (depending on who you are), you plan your move.
Then outta the blue, its "Oh (insert friend's name) meet (your name goes here), she's a really great friends. She's one of the guys." Granted actual conversation might not be like that, but the sentiment is still the same.
Hell, some days its to the point where, in the middle of a flag football game, I scream out "I"M A GIRL!" Usually this occurs because a girl has to touch the ball at least once every four downs. People really do forget that I'm a girl.
I have to laugh though because it would be mighty hard to confuse me with a guy. Okay, so my height is a bit tall for a girl (5'10"), but the rest of me is all female. Long blonde hair, light green eyes, decent size chest (34DD), I have to say its hard think I'm a guy.
One day, I decided to attempt to fix this problem. I'm normally a jeans and tee shirt (usually band tee shirt) type girl, but I decided to allow my super-effeminate to "dress" me. She picked out this really frilly top and did my make up and hair. By the end, I felt like a geisha girl, but according to her I looked amazing. Let's just say, I'm never doing that again. Half way though the outting (which, by the way, was a CBA hockey game), I got up and changed my shirt in to a Penguins tee, scrubbed my face, and slipped on my Converse.
So far, nothing's changed. I'm still one of the guys. And I was just reminded a few weeks ago, when my lastest flame was talking to one of his customers. I almost cried on the spot. And until today, when, for some reason, I put on the radio, I heard this song called Teardrops On My Guitar. Normally, I would change the station or turn on a CD, but the 1st few lines made me stay. And as I sat there, listening to this woman spill her heart out, I realized that she captured how I feel. So here is a copy of the lyrics:
Teardrops On My Guitar
by Taylor Swift
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need and
Everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause its just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
CHORUS
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishin on a wishin star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold on tight,
And give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
know she's lucky cause
CHORUS
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishin on a wishin' star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do
So I'll drive home alone,
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one that's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up
But there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see...
Yeah, it's cheesy but it's how I feel, and isn't this, after all, an electronic diary?
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